science

ok so for the first time in awhile i'm on here and not to bitch even though there are definatly a lot of whiny thoughts on my mind.
so I'm not sure if really any one knows what science is any more. OK thats an exaggeration the bio majors well a lot of them do. But outside of people I met in a Bio class, its frustrating. Speaking of which i have to ask my parents somthing.

But really its not like there are magic labs you walk into and do nothing but magic "Science" and walk out and your done. I hate microbiology, not that I actually dislike it, but because it feels so disconnected with life, which is what I want to study hence biology.
Ok for some people most medical stuff doesn't come from clouds and people are like ohh if we poke this knife in and do this and throw in this chemical they won't hurt and they will be saved, it almost always comes at the cost of pain and loss to gain anything what they test on and how much of it is theory versus test can vary, but science is usually wrong and takes a lot to get something that right. So I'm thinking about being an ecologist about as hippy and environmentally friendly of all, but guess what that means I'm probably going to kill more organisms than you'll meet on your nature walks. It means I'm going to make things suffer and I'm gonna screw things up, but guess what in the end this earth will live a few moments longer and everything on it after the tests might just be slightly better for it.
Ok and nothing against my roomate but he doesn't believe in doing small things and he doens't believe in means for an end, and I don't think he gets it but you can't solve large problems with out big costs, like his revolutions aren't all umm with out costs, and large changes in how everything is run really isn't going to come with out stuff like that. I'm kind of an all fronts type person so if you eat one less chicken or try and change the nations power to solar I think its great.
ok so dealing with life, its complicated you got lifestyles, decisions, habitats, anatomy, and tons of other things, and you don't just do magic and get data to do field work which is what I would love to do you go out to whatever the heck your studying and interact, collect ,watch, or whatever with whatever your studying so if you have experience with dealing with things that makes you more apt, now grad schools and everything else know this secret and want you to have experience either doing research or at least dealing with living things, now I don't know why everyone seems so surprised by this, but dealing with animals is experience with dealing with animals which is a large chunk of what you have to worry about in the field.

anyways everyone should look at zootpets.com

Ok well I'm done with this rant ok so that was kind of whining but i mean not about my personal life just how so many intelligent people that i give so much credit to can just seem so ignorant to what I'm doing. Its like when in band after being in for 3 years some of them were surprised i was jewish and its like I keep kosher where this necklace, aways and don't really hide it at all, but yes I am glad you figured this one out.

Workout (not worth reading)

Sooo today I had my first official gym workout it lasted about 2 hours at the firestation, my knee started hurting before we started, I kind of decided either I do so much more with my right side with out realizing it or I'm left handed at least in muscle strength cuz my right side always wore at first on every exercise. I did less cardiac than I think is important, but for my size to much cardiac is probably dangerous, but I really do believe in a healthy heart.
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GUTTED
so I feel gutted like a fish right now, I have so much of so many emotions, at so few and many people for so few and many things I can't even sort everything out.
Ahh but I'm so pissed, and I'm trying to keep this clean otherwise this would be loaded with other words. I'll keep quiet I always keep quiet, accept when asked I heal quickly I guess, I swore i was so pissed I was just gonna type out everything, but its back to hopeless and not anger, and maybe even hopeful, of course this post saying anything or not will probably kill any last relationship i'll ever have cuz she'll ask me what and if I remember I'll tell her everything that I"m mad about, and that will be the end of it forever.
I'm not sure i can deal with that but i guess I don't have many options.
I haven't died yet and I don't think I'm capable of suicide so I assume I'll keep going, but its just so frustrating I guess I'll say somthing in this post but its frustrating because she is everything that I hate and everything that I love she is behind all of my success and pretty much all of my failures, she is why I strive to achieve and in my thoughts on just about every deciscion, and so when I tell her she is everything to me I don't think she realizes its not just some cheezy line, its loaded with all of my good and all of my bad mostly stuffs in the middles that make me who I am, there are few people who really know me both pre and post Diedre very well. Oh well whats the point of griping longer I guess I should lay in bed and pretend to sleep so that way I'm at least rested if not actually getting sleep for tomorrow when I have to deal with people.
Well bye all who actually read this I'm so sorry I'm so emo, I'm sorry I have no useful talents I'm sorry I'm so pathetic, and I'm sorry I'm wasting your time
Have a wonderful night I even wished her a good night as much as that hurt, so everyone else I wish a wonderful night with a grandeur dreams.
Your not so faithful writer,
me

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