realization-religious

So, I have a title I plan to remember the realization by the end of this post. I may have to turn off the music, so in the mean time I'll post some stuff about my life. To start:
Dreams
So I haven't really had good dreams, for a long time, I mean there had been a few before "the Saturday". But even before then it was pretty rare, but the night before last night, I dreamt of kissing Heather, and her whining that I needed to shave cuz I was all scraggly, it was kind of funny. . . . SO that will probably never really happen, anyhow, away from sad thoughts so new topic.

So sort of near dreams my moms friend made the claim that my waking up every hour an a half that I've done since at least high school, is from nightmares, which I really don't believe, I'm fairly certain thats my REM cycle ending and me being a light enough sleeper to wake up.
Anyhow how that conversation started is sort of an interesting story. So for 2 days in a row i averaged 3 hours of sleep knowing that after work I would get to sleep for awhile, so when I get back at 11:20AM I lay down at 11:30 my mom's friend Mary comes over and says ok Scott were going.
I'm confused and ask "ok where?"
Mary's response: "I don't know, Galveston??"
me:"that sounds nice"
Mary: "ok then Galveston it is"
Those aren't actually quotes i greatly shortened the conversation becuase in the midsst of the i don't know and glaveston line was yelling across the house trying to get my mom to go without giving her an option to a place we didn't know so we could get out of the house and not be depressed. NOw later in the day I was supposed to give back David's friend's gamecube and fill out an application.
So we head to Galveston pick up my mom's friend Anna who likes to hit on me, oddly always makes me feel a little better even if she is late 40's early 50's, I think. So we eat in Galveston then decide to go visit Amy (mary's daughter, sort of a sister to me). I learn on the way there she has no idea were coming and so we call and learn she has a date but, were welcome to come and visit with her before the date and stay at the house while she's gone. So we stay its great to talk to Amy again, she tells her son Mikey that I'm "uncle Scott" (there were thoughts rushing through my head from that point on until the end of the night). I realize i really need to visit more often if i have a nephew. . . and its Amy I do need to see both sisters more. So we realize its getting late and Mary doesn't like to sleep so we make a compromise if she takes us home she sleeping on the way there and we'll wake her before she needs to leave or she's taking us to her home so she can get some sleep. We end up at her place, and we try to clean it in the morning for her. Then we shoot for one ihop, its to crowded, so we drive most the way home and stop at another. Eat go home, expeditions over i mostly sleep forget to turn in an application and about the gamecube

Today did the application waiting to call for the gamecube but Burks already whined at me for not having that application in.

OK so back to the realization ok so I was musing over thoughts that are probably pretty sacreligious, one of my realizations i hit was how I relgion is very jewish, but not neccesarily what I religion. How I pray, how I treat religion, how I believe, but what i think of god, what i hold sacred, what i do. . . is all originated from jewishish type things but have departed a bit, some more than others.
One of these thoughts its about God, I don't neccesarily believe he/she's neccesarily so benevolent,or rather mature, but almost childish in a sense, above our plane of reality, we are to god like characters in a book are to us, there not really real, and their strife may be worth worrying about but its certainly not as important as ours, and whether the goal is for a happy ending, entertainment, or teaching a lesson, there is almost always suffering even if the writer could prevent it. I think i'm getting further rather than closer to my realization now. but at least your getting an idea on my beliefs.
Also things i said that didn't seem to go together doesn't mean I think they do I was just hinting at other parts of my beliefs. OK so swing 2 at my realization ok so I think i've gone through the book line of thought to many times, for there to be anything knew so I'm going to creator line of thought. Ok so you have this all powerful all knowing being, with nothing. So in this position there are 2 options to make something or not, if they choose not the options are still there until the other option is taken, so lets assume eventually being makes something, likely for entertainment i mean its all powerful with nothing to occupy it but itself. We'll call this something the universe it includes the angels, and everything. Maybe the being was cautious maybe not, maybe it made things ovedient to its everywill (jewish definition of angels) or maybe it didn't, maybe it would make majestic structures, and maybe it would make laws of gravity. . . but the most interesting thing seems to me would be to create mini beings that acted on "their own will" they need goals to be interesting otherwise they may just do nothing, these goals could be created at the same time as creating a mechanism to keep them maintained if they were capable of degrading yet strove not to, this would also be known as desire for life with a capacity for death. This as a more random seeming structure may be advantageous to just protecting the good, which is an odd term for a being who just created a universe for amusement, which would probably entail the people being more amusing or proving a success of a goal the super being attempted, which seems sort of lacking since the super being could only fail if he limited his own knowledge, in attempting a goal, its like trying to run a mile in 20 minutes we know we can do it but if we handicap are selves enough it might be a challenge. The life death system i think may have been the realization. Anyhow i'm about to get picked up for food so om noms I go i'll update quote later.