incoming barmitzvah

For those of you that don't know Davids bar mitzvah is in two days.
For some of yall this may not mean much
hell to david it probably doesn't mean much, but to the rest of the family oh god I cant begin to explain...or I guess thats a lie thats what this post is, my attempt to explain, from just my perspective.
As a heads up since the last post I've dropped organic chemistry, sucked up bio, and have been seriously overwhelmed and right as a should have gotten more time got really sick and now I'm recovered.

So the aliyah i was doing i didn't have the right melody for, I've been fixing up the house, and getting yelled at for really nothing at all, its like when I was at cinemark and got yelled at for getting the order right only this is my mom screaming when shes under rediculous amount of stress.

Me and Diedre were having one of our stupid little "arguments"/"fights", and diedre and Brandon made some comment and shes like yeah we fight all the time but its always like husband wife fighting, and me and my brother look at each other and are like what, and I had to explain to Diedre that thats not what we consider mom dad fighting. The freaking out sounding like a wall may get knocked down fight between my mom and Brandon she had just heard thats what we consider mom and dad fighting.
Which is probably the first time I wondered how different my perception of what a family is and should be is from normal peoples perception.

Anyhow I have been all over the place one minute i can deal with all types of verbal abuse and keep my cool the next minute, a small comment about me makes me want to tear my heart out, the next comment I explode and end up in tears, and the next I'm fine, I really think something may not be right with me right now, but also pretty sure I don't care.
Everything I do seems to be wrong and not enough for everyone.
Its kind of sickening
and what makes it worst as i'm giving everything i have and feel like crap for lessening up on what evers not getting attention half the time what i'm doing is either useless criticized or pointless anyways.

and then I'm being all stupid and am letting way to many things that shouldn't bother me really get under my skin.

and i miss so many people and wish i could use spring "break" as a break where i get to spend time with friends and not just a change of scenery.

OK so now when this ends I go back to screwing up my gpa and life alrighty i guess this pessimistic post get to end

QUOTE:
"Every night its painful,
all the days hurt
every moment . . . "